How to Heal After Your Spouse's Infidelity


Kojo Jumah


The creator and driving force behind Gentleman's Division. Kojo is ...

Your spouse’s affair does not need to be something that ends your marriage. An affair can change your relationship in a negative way, or it can be a learning experience. As you heal and move on from the infidelity, you can become a more resilient and stronger person.

Whether or not you can overcome the adversity caused by your spouse’s infidelity depends on how you usually handle adverse situations. There is a particular breed of person that can move on after fidelity and repair their marriage or divorce their spouse and rebuild their lives.

Healing after adversity involves focusing on solutions instead of problems. If you are the type of person who can’t let go of your partner’s unfaithfulness, then it will be hard for you to heal.

Focusing on the infidelity will not help you move on to finding a solution that can repair your marriage.

What Does it Take to Rebuild a Marriage After Infidelity?

When you stay open-minded about rebuilding the trust lost after infidelity and finding a solution, it improves your chances of healing and saving your marriage. Luckily, anybody can become solution-oriented.

Being solution-oriented is a skill you can develop that will help you work through the break up. Then you can decide if you want to save your marriage or move on to rebuild your life.

You should start by feeling empathy for your spouse, and yourself. I believe this should be the first step in healing from a betrayal of any kind. You must understand your own feelings and the feelings of the person who betrayed you.

An empathetic person is sensitive to their own experiences, but also to the experiences of others.

Have you ever heard someone say to “walk a mile in my shoes?” This concept is something you must try to do when looking for solutions to your marital issues. This is especially true when the trust you have in your partner is damaged.

To repair your marriage, you have to be gentle with yourself while putting forward the effort to empathize with your spouse.

When you’re feeling empathetic, it leaves less room for you to hold onto anger. Anger will keep your focus on the problem, instead of the solution.

Here are five suggestions to help you while you heal:

Step 1

Remember surviving doesn’t mean you’ll save your marriage. Surviving infidelity means rebuilding your marriage into an honest relationship. Or, it may mean divorcing your spouse and becoming more aware of your own feelings so you can be prepared for your next relationship.

Step 2

During emotionally stressful times your thoughts are distorted. Make sure you have reasonable and measurable reactions to your spouse. Don’t respond to the infidelity out of pain and anger.

Step 3

Your spouse’s infidelity is not the end of the world. The world as you knew it would change, however, you can play a role in forming your new reality. Accepting this will be a significant factor in how quickly and how well you heal.

Step 4

Don’t engage in doomsday thinking. If you believe infidelity is the worst thing to happen in your life, then you’ll live that belief. You’ll always think your spouse will do it again, which will lead to marital disaster. You have to remember that infidelity is a problem that offers you the opportunity to build a stronger marriage or move on as a stronger person.

Step 5

You must move past the blame game. The bad spouse, good spouse concept will not help you heal. You need to try to understand why your spouse cheated. That’s the only way to stop them from cheating again. If you aren’t able to let go and stop blaming your spouse, you’ll remain stuck. You’ll continue to feel the pain of the infidelity.

There are many ways to heal from infidelity. You might work with your spouse to repair your marriage, as a couple. You may spend some time thinking about it, and decide that it’s best for you to leave your marriage.

Whether you stay or leave, how you feel about what happened will be the most critical predictor of how well you heal from this adversity.

Hostility, anger, and negative will only lead to more pain. Emotional resilience will help you accept that your spouse’s infidelity was just one bump in your life’s path. This attitude will help you heal faster.